Tuesday, September 06, 2005

In the beginning...

...there is just me, trying to get along as a "sort of" single parent, having all the same kinds of struggles (for the most part) but I have a paycheck deposited every two weeks that I don't have to work for. You keep telling me that I do work for it. I guess I do, I just don't have to get dressed up and find child care to "earn" it.

It is hard though, being alone, day in and day out. When scary things happen, like taking our newest small and wonderous (actually, he isn't so new or small but still just as wonderous) Smally-Pants in for surgery today and having to hold him while the anesthesiologist put him to sleep, when things like that happen, then I feel really alone. Most of the time though I can deal with it. Sometimes I can't though. Tonight as I sat on the deck in the beautiful evening while Matthew read his book, both of us enjoying the waning summer--candles lit, the heady smell of the rosemary and basil plants drifting towards us on a cool breeze with Luke snuggled up on my lap, head resting against me shoulder in a very atypical moment of quiet for him--tonight I almost couldn't. It is quiet evenings like this that it is so apparent there is something so vital missing in our home...and that would be you.

I don't know why it took me so long to figure out that we could communicate this way, through blogs. One would think that with my background this would have been the first thing that popped into my mind. Well, maybe we can't really communicate in the truest sense of the word, but at least while you are away from us you can check up on us and see how we are. I figure you can't leave us messages but at least you can see how fabulous your boys are and hear of the amazing things that they are doing.

We love you. I love you. Life is so much better with you in it.

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